


Pansies and Gardenias

by Nikethecat



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Love Confessions, Mates, Poor Lucien Vanserra, Self-Indulgent, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 22:16:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19238182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikethecat/pseuds/Nikethecat
Summary: ((This is entirely self-indulgent sorry))Elain has a semi-explicit vision of her and Lucien in her garden and it gets her thinking.





	1. Chapter 1

Elain stared out over the city from her rooftop garden as she contemplated her visions. 

They were typically images, or scenes of a place in time, be it in the past, present or future, but they were always clear. 

Not the cryptic oddity she just got.

She looked to the sky a moment in contemplation, letting the sun warm her now sunkissed skin. Falls crisp air intermingling with the fading summer sun's heat.

The vision was short, the color red blending with a soft and deep chestnut gold laid throughout a cropping of pansies and mums. 

Simply an image, but it greatly perplexed her. 

What did it mean, she thought semi-frustrated. 

Maybe I should ask Azriel, or Feyre? She shook her head, loose curls falling from her braid and around her face in the movement. 

Elain had been gardening when the image came to her and she, at first, mistook it for her own garden. However the flowers in the vision were barely in bloom, being in only the beginnings of Fall. 

She let out a contemplative hum and quietly laid her back against the grass to try and concentrate further on the image. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Diving into her mind to explore the image. 

On closer inspection, she realized the red of the image was hair. Bright, straight, red hair, intertwined with brown-golden waves. Both hairs splayed precariously over her flower bed that was to bloom within the next few days. 

She gasped and her eyes flew open as she rocketed into a sitting position. Her cheeks were on fire, and she knew it wasn't the sun's fault for her ever flushing features. 

She righted her dress as she bolted from her spot on the grass, abandoning her tools and rushing to her bathroom. 

Her body was inexplicably warm and buzzing at the image that kept surfacing at the forefront of her mind as she practically flew to her room. 

Elain had never felt a feeling close enough to the feelings she felt from the image. 

It was hugely intimate and lovely, but also hot and needy. 

She almost hated her body for crying out to it as it had in the garden, and she would have, had it not been for the panicked knock at the door and her sister's semi flustered voice through it, "Elain? Is everything alright?" 

Feyre sounded breathless, worry tinged to her fading desire. Elain stifled a groan, how many times has she had to listen to her sister and her mate now? They were practically rabbits, as she recalled Cassian one day cursing before kindly taking her to the house of wind, to escape them and their subsequent noises. 

She huffed a bit, straightening up before reopening the door, and ushering Feyre inside. 

As much as Elain didn't want to tell anyone of her new vision, or what it made her feel, she needed to talk and discussing things like this would hopefully deject her enough to calm. 

Feyre came in with a small, sheepish smile and sat on her sister's bed. Elain, in a somewhat exasperated scan of her sister, found the obvious signs of her and her lover's activities prior to Elain's mad dash down the hall from the roof. Elain resisted the urge to sigh and sat next to Feyre, the latter of the two looking her over in an attempt to glean some kind of information to quell her growing nerves. Elain gave her a sweet smile before stealing her nerves and asking, "What does the bond feel like to you?" 

Feyre looked visibly taken aback at her sister quiet curiosity and for a moment her eyes glazed in a way that told her she was relaying what was most likely her relief to Rhysand. 

She, after a breath, gave Elain a questioning look asked with equal quiet to her sisters, "Elain, what is this about? Are you..." she trailed looking around the room in an attempt to glean what she was trying to get from her surroundings. 

Elain didn't need her to finish her question, she had been well aware of her sister (and thus her friends') and mate's questions and outright observations towards her relationship with Lucien Vanserra. 

It was a strange feeling to be sure, and even stranger to explore. 

Elain didn't want to like him. She honestly wanted to hate him. But no matter how hard she tried, her curiosity always got the better of her and each time, some selfish and bitter part of her hated what she found. 

He was a gentle and kind male, and she knew that with a single word she could rid herself of him forever.

But she would never say it. 

She let out a small huff and turned to Feyre, deciding it would be easier to explain than have her sister grasping for straws all day. "I had a vision I was lying with him in the garden and don't know how to feel about-" she stopped herself short and fisted her hands in her lap as Feyre gave her a surprised look.

"You had a vision you were laying with him in your garden and it chased you from it?" She looked bemused, and sounded relieved. Elain wanted to dive under the covers she was currently sitting on and gave a small nod. Feyre gave chuckle and asked in a sort of gossiping tone, "Were you having sex or something?" 

Her eyes were bright with mischief and Elain squeaked in embarrassment at her sister's boldness. She desperately shook her head no, trying to avoid her piercing storm blue eyes. Feyre snorted out another chuckle,"Then why are you so flustered about it? Did it scare you?" Her tone lightening to comforting one. 

Elain again shook her head, this time pulling her deep brown eyes to meet grey-blue. There was only tender questioning in them and Elain gave her her own sheepish grin, " It didn't scare me more so than it..." she trailed then, feeling the heat from the almost explanation creep up her neck, into her cheeks, and looked away. 

Feyre let out a small hum of understanding and got up from the bed. Elain's eyes snapped to her sister in a small startle, Feyre's own lighting with familial love and kindness as she said softly, " I can't tell you how to feel Elain, but it's alright to feel like that, and however else you do." She paused and pulled Elain up into a hug, effectively surprising her. 

She felt her sister nuzzle affectionately into her neck as she said, albeit muffled, " You have a right to everything you feel, please know that." 

Feyre gave her a squeeze and let go, flitting out the door with a small goodbye and suddenly Elain was alone with her thoughts again.

She felt conflicted, but slightly reassured. 

Feyre's advice was reasonable, but it didn't help her in what Elain probably should have specified was her biggest question: what now? 

Elain knew she could enjoy being with Lucien. 

At this point in time she had spent enough quiet afternoons on the roof with him simply reading a book and her pulling weeds or planting to know that. 

He never pried her and always asked to be with her. He never expected or demanded anything from her, he simply let her be and if she spoke to him, she spoke to him. 

There was no part of her that could escape gratitude in this, that he didn't push her.

That he let her take her time to sort things out, as he likely was doing as well. 

She knew males took the mating bond rather hard, and she could only imagine after stumbling upon one of Rhysand and Cassian's multiple musing sessions where they discussed how much pain he was probably in, what it was actually like for him. 

She wouldn't deny she wanted to curse him for it at first, that he would feel pain not being near her when he didn't know her, but soon, as their encounters increased in number, she began to feel a slight guilt that has been slowly snowballing since. 

Lucien was a truly good male, but could she handle being with him? 

He was years ahead of her in both sexual and relational experience. 

She let out a sorrowful huff as she fell into her bed thinking of Jesminda. 

Months prior to the current day, Feyre had informed her of Lucien's previous lover and her sudden and untimely death, as well as how much her deaths affected him. 

She wasn't jealous, but she felt a sharp tug of empathy and sadness when she would think about this part of him. This woman who he had loved so fiercely and that was taken from him. 

She scrubbed her face as her mind drifted to Graysen, trying to rid herself of the heartbreak that still ached from time to time even though it had been a little over a year since the fateful day. 

She sighed glumly, and forced herself out of bed, the evening sun filling her room with a warm orange hue in its last attempts to warm her. She crossed the room and pulled a woolen dress from the armoire along with a knit cardigan, both in varying shades of lilac. The nights always seemed to grow bitterly cold early in the year in Velaris, leaving people to bundle closer to the equinox than the solstice. She turned and headed for the ensuite to take a short bath. 

She didn't fear baths like Nesta, but she could never stay in them for long-not as long as she used to love anyway. 

She heaved a sigh as she entered the room and did her business. 

 

*** 

 

Elain exited her room an hour later, scrubbed clean of any dirt from the days gardening and thoroughly soothed from her previous fluster. She couldn't believe she had dashed so fast from the roof to her room that she interrupted her sister's... session. 

Elain giggled quietly to herself as she made her way down the hall to the stairwell. Her socks quieting her already near silent steps to mute. She wasn't surprised to her Morrigan or Cassian's boisterous laughs or Rhysand's velvety one and Feyre's cackling one.

Apparently the whole inner circle was to be having dinner with them that night. 

She smiled softly and descended the stairs. 

"Aha, there's the little sunspot, who would have thought she could have a sexual thought at all, huh?" Cassian's voice boomed from the room she was moving towards. 

Elain stopped dead in her tracks, her body heating to a level she didn't know possible in mortification. The comment was followed by an awkward silence, and then 4 large slapping noises and Cassian yelping in pain. The yelp being chased by a chorus of chastising voices and calls of injustice to her. She sighed, at least no one laughed, she thought glumly while heading to the table. Rhysand and Azriel gave quick apologies, followed by Feyre for telling them and then Cassian for trying to lighten her mood and failing. She let out a huff of quiet frustration and all was forgiven, the dinner going off without a hitch after that. 

Dinner was chased by wine and dessert that Elain refused as she went up to hopefully try and sleep before she had to listen to her sister's activities...

Maybe I should have just moved out like Nesta... she thought semi-bitterly. 

Elain was tired, but even more so the taxation of the day and utter embarrassment of the latter half was enough to guide her to her bedroom and- after removing the necessary garments and donning others- slip under her covers. Her body was strangely comfortable soon after hitting the mattress. 

She didn't care, Elain was tired and she wanted to sleep. 

Even if she was curious about her sudden comfort and how its was possible, the warmth of her covers and the low din of late night conversations from downstairs pulled her into oblivion.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haha do I have no idea why it won't let me show this as a multi chapter work?? Ee

Morning sunlight filtered through the windows in soft lazy tendrils.

Elain was just beginning her stirring awake when the smell of breakfast sweets filled the air. It must have been around 8 in the morning and, if she was trying to get up before, then she was certainly up now. 

Her stomach growled audibly and she quietly shuffled to the dresser for clothing that she quickly changed into. She had somehow managed a bath when she had woken up in the middle of the night after a nightmare, she hoped today wouldn't be another one of those days. 

The days that seemed to drag on for days longer than the singular one it was contained to. The days that made her feel so heavy and tired that she didn't want to do anything but lay in bed and sleep, and sleep, and sleep. 

She pinched her arm, trying to bring a sense of control back to her situation. Quietly, Elain dressed in a dusty rose chiffon dress. The bodice fit to her chest almost too well while the bishoped sleeves of her gown and its skirts flowed whimsically. Elain knew that while she planned on gardening that day, she could always change out of her nicer clothes to don pants and tunics that she had only just gotten used to wearing. She looked at her hair in the mirror from the ensuite and decided to drag a brush through it, if only to detangle her soft curls. Spying a floral headband that had no doubt been recently deposited there by Nualla or Cerridwen, Elain gave a silent thanks and put the piece on. 

She had to admit that the outfit was a tad fancy, even if it was simple in its design.

Especially now that her body had regained it's lost weight and she had settled into a proper sleep schedule. Her body had filled out in the past months, and any and all signs of fatigue had left her skin. Not to mention the near countless hours she spent in the sun warming her peaches and cream skin to hold a slight golden tinge that brought out the gold in her eyes and accentuated her freckles. Even her hair had been lightly touched by the sun. 

Looking herself over she almost looked to dressy. She didn't know why she had picked the garment, something in her gut she guessed? 

Elain's intuition seemed to have also been sharpened when she became fae, so while she would have ignored it usually, she tended to listen when it came to her own choices. 

She huffed a small sigh, slipped on some slippers, and left the room, her skirt following on a phantom wind. 

The house was easily awake by the hum of noise that seemed to come from the kitchen itself. 

Finding her destination she made her way down the stairs and was slammed by the male's scent. 

Lucien was at the townhouse? She thought wildly, a strange mix of panic and excitement barreling through her. 

Lucien had been on yet another one of his missions to the mortal realm and wasn't due back for another week, so then why was he back?

Elain composed herself, now understanding her morning intuition, and as confidently as possible, made her way into the kitchen. 

It took all of her strength not to go straight to him, but she managed as she gracefully walked past with tired, polite good mornings to the three sitting at the table. Feyre and Rhysand were watching her carefully. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she went to the kitchen and got herself some water. They were such busybodies, her sister and her mate. Turning quietly, she said a small thank you to where Nualla and Cerridwen were preparing breakfast and walked out. 

She could feel Lucien watching her without having to see him. His eyes were like a brand some days, seeing and searching with life and curiosity, always shining like the sun. 

In a bold move, Elain ignored her usual seat next to Feyre and sat next to Lucien who seemed to go stick straight in tension as she muttered again a kind good morning and sat down. Feyre had her eyes glued to Elain almost instantly, but if she wanted to ask questions, she didn't show it. 

Rhysand didn't either as he blew on his coffee and took a seat next to Feyre. None of them spoke for a moment but riding on her previous courage, Elain turned to Lucien and asked, "How was the mortal realm?" 

He looked almost shocked that she was speaking to him. He probably was shocked, Elain hardly ever initiated conversation, even if she was getting more comfortable with him around. 

He looked around nervously for a moment, seeming to gather his response and said," Turbulent, but running well. Hopefully the kinks can be sorted out quickly." 

The response was short, and hopeful, but also clipped. 

Like he didn't want to talk about something that happened. She gave him a look but didn't push. 

After all, he never pushed her, so she wouldn't push him. Elain looked to the kitchen just in time to see Nualla and Cerridwen bring out plates covered in food. Pancakes and pastries were stacked on one tray, savory scones and bread on another while another tray was stacked with bacon and jams. 

Almost simultaneously to the wraiths placing the trays, the front door opened and Cassian's voices boomed from the foyer, "I smell food and its mine!" 

Rhysand laughed heartily, "Come and get it while it lasts, brother! Foxy boy is back and will probably devour half of it knowing him." 

Lucien threw him a vulgar gesture and a smirk, but as Rhys said, piled the food on his plate high. 

A small smile crept onto Elain's face as she served herself. 

She truly did enjoy the dynamics of her sister's social group, even more so now that she was slowly becoming apart of it. As she ate and tried not to laugh at the tables antics while all participants poked fun at each other, Cassian looked at her with a mischievous glint in his eye. His eyes were basically shouting at her what he was going to say. He opened his mouth to damn her to eternal embarrassment and as quickly as she could, Elain Archeron did the only thing she could to preserve her dignity: Elain threw a scone at him. 

All eyes moved to the pastry as it flew with a deadly accuracy. The table went silent as the savory pie crust pastry hit him straight between the eyes. 

She hadn't even realized she'd done it, but when she did she yelped in surprise and began to apologize profusely only to be interrupted by Lucien and Rhysand howling in their laughter. Feyre joined after fighting it and nearly spit her tea all over the food. Cassian however, still somewhat stunned picked the scone out of his lap and examined it before gently setting it on his plate and grinning. 

It was a primal thing, the grin he gave her, and she immediately felt Lucien bristle, but before he could do or say anything Cassian looked Elain dead in the eyes and said simply,"Run." 

And by the mother, she did.

Elain took off out of her chair giggling and sprinted up the stairs. She heard Feyre and Lucien's shouts of caution, but she didn't care. She felt remarkably light on her feet and when she felt Cassian's hand clutch on to the back of her dress she let whatever magic seemed to be curling in her gut out and then she was swallowed by a black mist and lurching through the world. 

Her magic deposited them both in the skies above the city.

Her heart dropped. She hadn't expected to be transported somewhere, much less deposited in the sky.

She let out a small whine of terror before an arm around her middle stopped her fall. 

Cassian was huffing behind her but laughing lowly. Elain realized with a small bit if guilt that he was probably just as startled as she was. Gently, Cassian lifted her into his arms and began to set a course back to the town house muttering something about Lucien and Feyre killing him for this. 

Elain was stunned. 

Had she just... winnowed? 

And so far?!

She felt her surprise and waited for the fear to set in, but as she and Cassian approached the roof and she saw her garden from above, the fear didn't come. 

Elain was excited, she even told him so when she thanked him. Upon Cassian setting her down he pinched her arm as "payment" for the scone and she felt that feeling in her gut again. This time she had a destination in mind and then she was in the dining room. 

Rhysand choked on his coffee, Feyre stopped talking, her mouth wide open, and Lucien looked at her like she was the sun itself. She didn't care, but as she looked between the three of them, she said proudly, "I can winnow!" 

She hopped a little as she made her way back to her unfinished plate and ate the rest of her food. The table never letting their eyes off of her. 

There was no tension, just wonder on all of their faces. Feyre and Rhysand had that semi-glossed look to their eyes they always get when they talk to each other through the bond. Lucien was... 

He just marveling her, and surprisingly it made her feel like a blushing child with a crush. 

Cassian finally came down a moment later and smiled slyly as he said, "I caught this fawn by the back of her dress and you know what she does? Winnows us into the sky." He shook his head and suddenly everyone's looks of awe turned to horror. 

Cassian only shook his head a moment in rueful giddiness, " I gotta say Feyre, she's more reckless than you were when you were learning to fly." 

There is silence for a moment, and Elain doesn't know how to feel about it. Her nerves began to bundle up. She didn't want to worry people, but it looked like that's all she was doing. Feyre and Rhysand wear matching expressions of horror and surprise. Feyre's grey blue eyes round as saucers while Rhys's are blinking uncontrollably. Lucien's expression is borderline fear and incredulity. She can't imagine what kind of worry they feel.

Another moment of silence passed and suddenly Lucien began to chuckle.

The sound caught her so off guard, she freezes in her unknowing fiddling. 

Elain looked at him slowly, he was very obviously trying not to, but upon looking at her confusion and nervousness he burst into outright laughter. 

She had never heard him laugh so wholeheartedly, and it struck her silly. 

Her heart is so warm at the sound of his laugh, so utterly warm and fuzzy and light, it makes her stomach flutter. She looked around the table and realized that for the rest of the group it was either also there first time hearing it, or they were still shocked by her news. She didn't even realize her eyes started to burn for a moment until a small, gentle essence tapped the outside of her mind. 

Elain opened for her sister as she was trying to will the feeling away until Feyre's voice said, "That's what it's like."

Elain could hear the smile in her mind's voice and Elain outwardly gave her a small sheepish smile. Elain replied back to Feyre without removing her eye contact, " What should I do?" 

Her sister's eyes softened minisculely, "I can't tell you that, it's entirely up to you." 

And then Feyre left. 

Elain reeled in her sigh, as she went back to listen to Lucien's laugh fizzle out. 

He was almost doubled over and his eye had watered, something to which he quickly wiped away in between wheezing. 

Her heart loosened of its frustration as she continued to watch and listen. 

He calmed considerably before setting to finish his plate. Elain hadn't noticed she'd been staring until his eyes met hers. 

She didn't look away however, but smiled softly at him and turned back to her plate. 

She could feel Lucien staring at her as she went to her own plate to finish her breakfast. 

Cassian's grumble about mercy and subtlety snapped Elain out of her stupor. 

Feyre and Rhysand smiled at each other while Lucien clipped something back. 

Somehow she felt incredibly bold again, and before she could stop herself she quipped herself, "You just miss Nesta's morning moods is all, you'll get over it." 

Elain hummed as she reached for another biscuit and observed, for the umpteenth time, the table silencing. 

This time it was Feyre who burst out laughing, Rhys hot on her tail and Lucien restraining himself. 

Cassian didn't give however, and responded coolly with, "If I wanted bitter comments at breakfast, I'd just go see Amren, not a huge loss." 

Feyre chuckled a moment longer and added, "Yes, and I'm sure Amren would be positively delighted by that."

Elain chuckled at this and excused herself from the table. Taking her plate, glass, and silverware with her, she carefully deposited the dishes in the sink with another thanks to the twins and then wandered out of the kitchen making her way to the stairs. Elain was halfway up the stairs when she shouted down for good measure, "I'll be in the garden today, you're all welcome to join me!" And quickly went to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't started the 3rd chapter at all, but I should be getting it up at some point??

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao so I'm already God knows how far into the next chapter, however I cant be sure if I want to make this fic spicy. Who knows? We'll just have to see


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